Hey buddy, can you spare some unscarred tissue?

I have been on an insulin pump for several years now, and I am beginning to run into a problem that only a fellow diabetic can understand. I'm running out of room to insert my infusion sites! I find myself looking in the mirror trying to find a spot that is suitably un-molested so I can insert my pump site there. And it's getting kind of difficult. My preferred spot is on my left side (affectionately known as the "Love handle"). This is because I sleep with my right side on the edge of the bed, so if my pump's on my left it won't slide off the bed in the night and tug me awake. I can't use my thighs because there's no fat on them anywhere. None. Arms are out because they are all muscle and very little fat (the site kinks every time I've ever tried my arm). So that pretty much leaves my robust stomach area.

So here's what I think I should do. Eat. A lot. I need more surface area, right? So the best possible way to do that is to plant myself at a Krispy Kreme three times per day then have a Slim-Fast for dinner (it's that weird dieter's cognitive dissonance). And it wouldn't be all that hard. After all there's a Krispy Kreme right next door to my car wash office. And Lord knows I could pack away a dozen of those in a single sitting. Easy. Done it before. For those of you who know me, which is all of you I presume since I'm not famous, you know that I have virtually no talents to speak of. I do a pretty mean Shrek impression, can impersonate ever character from the Spongebob Squarepants cartoon, and can fall asleep almost on command. That's pretty much it. Except for one. I can eat like a monkey in the produce section of Wal-Mart. It's truly a marvel to behold. If you haven't seen me do it, pull up a chair and put on a tarp.

So I figure within a couple of weeks my Krispy Kreme and Slim Fast diet should easily give me an additional square foot of site-infusion space on my body. And boy, will I need it.